When you hear about other people succeeding in life, it can really make you feel bad about your own failures. How does one survive the meaning behind all that? I have noticed for some time now that when I see people happy, I just want to slap them more or less. I envy those who have a great life and all seems to be in place. What they don’t see is the losing side of others and that my friends makes wonder. Are people so self absord they can’t see the world around them or are they truly ungrateful for the gifts they have been given?
A personal story: for years I had been pretty close to my step brother, travelling with him and his wife, visiting wonderful places but this year, that isn’t happening. I am angry and disappointed but there is a reason. My step family has given me grief for as long as I can remember only because their successes has really brought me to lose belief in myself. I used to be successful or so I thought only to realize my ambitions were strictly to satisfy and make my dad proud. Now that he is no longer with me, I have become less important and meaningful. All my passion for the things I used to strive for have left my body and soul.
Why am I telling you this? Recently, my step brothers daughters have successfully taken over his business and creating content for marketing. The videos they posted were sent to me and I keep wondering why. Why does my opinion matter? Why show me the success of others when my own well being is failing drastically? Also, I feel like a child in my step mother’s eyes. Since the passing of my father, my step mother has been talking about money like it means something because the will states, I’m included. However, what she doesn’t realize is how it makes me feel and sharing that is another issue. She always says: “I have money for you when you are ready to receive it”. Like a child waiting for an allowance, right?
My thoughts are: If you want to give me money freely, then just send it and be done.
When you share unconditionally, you not expect anything else. My boyfriend gets mad because I told my step mother I do not need her money but it is the principle of it. The meaning behind that is all about control. I do not wish to feel lesser than I do and with all these people around me successful and happy, I struggle bringing myself back to a better life.
In a distant past, I was in a good place but like I said since the passing of my father and son, life has been sucked out of me. I am very sad that I can’t go to the beach this year because could so use the time soaking up the sea and cleansing my negativity. I feel so cheated out of good and that is my present tragic little story.
Until next time ….